As the great philosopher Socrates once said “the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”. And while this may seem an odd place to start a match report, I assure you – it’s about to get even more ridiculous.

Because do we really know anything about cricket for certain? Perhaps we forget sometimes that we are all still students of the game, whatever our ages. And whether it’s a night-out with Oz and Pumps in Leighton, or a humble Sunday XI cricket field, sometimes the lessons we learn in life can come from the unlikeliest of places. Which is why this report will share some of those valuable nuggets now.

Fair warning: at points, I may dabble in what actually happened in the game. But I wouldn’t count on it too much.

Lesson #1: Wear Sunscreen.

Yes Baz Luhrmann may have cornered the market with this one, but little did he know that Dan Gilbert was about to elaborate on it. You see, Bray lost the toss and were put in to field (I told you there’d be a little about the game). Syed took the first over and demonstrated that he meant business with some tidy stump-to-stump bowling. Dan, fresh from lathering up with some factor 30, decided to take aim instead a little higher: seemingly by taking aim at the Rye’s resident kite with a beamer so high that the airfield were alerted to a UFO.

His excuse: his hands were too slippery from the sunscreen. And I think we can all agree that a head injury to the oppo is a small price to pay so you don't burn in the sun.

Lesson #2: “It doesn’t matter how you catch them”

Ommer may be new to Eaton Bray, but that doesn’t mean he’s holding out on us with his breadth of knowledge of the game. Fresh from what some (Ommer) had described as a worldy of a catch on Friday’s T20, he brushed off the adulation in the dressing room with this humble piece of advice. Azeem nodded his approval, and as an elder statesman of the game, he clearly thought to himself that he needed to fully show us what this meant. Which is probably the only reason why he juggled a catch at first slip for such an agonizingly long time to get Syed’s 1st wicket in just the 3rd over.

Syed continued about his business bowling tight overs which produced several more wickets, a catch for Adam (which he didn’t feel he needed to juggle) and a couple bowled clean through too.

Lesson #3: Always Be Selling

It was 16-4, and talk in the Bray field was that this may not even be a contest. How wrong we were, as the middle order steadied things for Kempston. It was hard going, but that didn’t stop Adam – top local businessman that he is – trying to upsell the batsman (who was also a customer) for a new kitchen. Well, talk about kitchens must have got the batsman in the mood, because he threw the kitchen sink at a few more and raced away to 60-odd. Liam and Owen came into the attack, and with some keen field placements by Syed the threat was extinguished with some more fine catches (no juggles) – one for Ben off Liam’s bowling, and two for Owen – Sachin and Syed providing the catches.

Stefan pushed the tail with a great stumping by Hannah, and another catch for Syed, but the 10 and 11 nicked a few more runs than we would have liked (not helped by a drop – need more juggling lessons!) and a target of 175.

Lesson #4: Beware the man in the black trainers

Azeem and OK walk in to bat, and go about their business. Azeem racking up the runs at pace, with Bray having over 50 on the board in just 7 overs. All the shots were out, with Azeem looking assured at the wicket and Ommer putting on some handy runs with a tidy 6 in the mix too. Unfortunately, word about Ommer’s Kryptonite must have found Kempston as they brought on the slow stuff and he swished at a straight one. Ben came in to join Azeem as he looked to push on for his 50. As we all learn with age, pushing a bit too hard can be hazardous – and sure enough Azeem took a big old swipe at an outswinger and gifted Kempston a catch. But wait – what's this - Kempston’s counterpart in the slips clearly hadn’t been paying attention to Azeem’s juggling lesson and he puts it down!

Despite the drop, Kempston were starting to feel their way back into the game. And that’s when they looked to the enigma, the mystery, the puzzle that is: the man in the black trainers. Azeem – as man who’s played many, many, many cricket matches – knew this could mean absolutely anything. And sure enough, with a fizz and a pop Azeem decided to gift another learning opportunity to the oppo with a dolly catch up to the same fielder now at short extra cover.

You’d assume he’d be out, but no – this is the man with nine lives. Azeem was so excited to still be in, he even run three at one point – which prompted worried calls from the crowd to check him for heatstroke. Despite the heat – both literally and figuratively – he pushed his way to a fine 50, poised for more potentially...

Lesson #5: If you can’t stand the heat, get out the kitchen

A good batsman knows the right shot to play at the right time. Which is why Ben decided to take a big old swipe at a straight one and get himself out clean bowled. Because this meant Owen could come in to finish things off with Azeem, masterfully putting on runs and partnering with Azeem as he pushed on to 100. Of course, not before giving one final catching opportunity to the oppo at 96*. Does his generosity know no bounds?

And so there ends the lesson. Bray win, but possibly made harder work of it than they should have done. Well done to all, particularly Azeem for his speedy batting which helped keep the pressure off. Thank you to all the supporters who braved the fierce heat and it means the Sunday 1st XI stay top of the league!

Next week is a big one – away to Wolverton. Go well!

Match Report by Ben Nye

Editor Note: As this wasn't mentioned, EBCC win by 8 wickets finishing on 177 for the loss of 2 wickets