Wise words to live by, I’m sure you’ll agree. And like an episode of Sesame Street, I’d like to open by saying that this match report is brought to you by the letters OGIH and the number 22. Oh God it Hurts/approximately how many drinks it feels like I had to deserve this hangover.

Anyway, for fear of making the read of this match report last longer than the 1s game let’s get on with it!

With the previous week off for the 2s, you could be forgiven for thinking we were a bit keen. So much so that we beat the opposition to the ground. Adam wanted a bowl, we wanted a pint. And having lost with heads all season, he made the logical decision to stick with heads - why? Patience! Because it came off, and a bowl we got.

It was a determined start by the opposition, who dug in through Jerry and Syed’s opening spell. No wickets, but not many runs either. Finally a breakthrough came when a desperate attempt to get the scoreboard moving produced a risky single, which gave someone an opportunity to get the run out. A man who needs no introduction. Your friend and mine…name missing from the scorecard. And no matter how much patience I’ve showed…it’s still lost amongst my addled, alcohol-affected memory. But it was a very good run out!

The next wicket fell soon after, a thick edge dollied up to Ollie at midwicket - which sticks in the memory due to the excessively loud call. “I just wanted to make sure Neil didn’t go for it.” We all assured Ollie there was absolutely no need to worry about that, having seen Neil run the opposite direction for a catch a couple of overs earlier.

First change, and the captain did the honourable thing and bowled himself down the slope. And while you may think it cynical, it turned out to be a master stroke as Oaksy was prolific coming up the hill - bullying children with a couple of yorkers to set himself up a hattrick ball. No hattrick, but he got his man soon later when I juggled an easy one at cover, feeling absolutely no pressure as Oaksy’s eyes burned into the back of my skull.

Oaksy was obviously inspired, because he managed to nab a catch for himself off of Neil’s bowling - dismissing the dangerous number 3 batsman. Syed came on to clear up some of the tail, before Ollie ‘The Finisher’ Harris got his opportunity to do as his self-coined nickname demanded, and finish the innings off with Jerry taking the catch. 112 all out.

Me and Dhruv to open. Dhruv made his runs, but again couldn’t get past the 40s. While I dibbed and dabbled it around as I do for a humble 16. I would say in my defence that I feel I was somewhat hampered by running 4 (yes, 4) early on in the innings.

On a day like today, when emotions were high, it was natural that we might see some tears. We weren’t anticipating it from the opposition, and we weren’t expecting Harry C - as umpire - to be dolling it out. And then to top it off, he gives Pumps out lbw in his final batting innings. Harsh but fair Harry.

But it allowed for ‘The Finisher’ to do what he does best. “He only needs one ball!” chanted the crowd. An ugly swing. “He only needs two balls!” chanted the crowd. Another ugly swing. “He only needs three balls!” And finally an ugly swing connects and it trundles down the hill for 4, with DK shepherding an average-protecting 21*

And so it is that the 2s are promoted, winning by 7 wickets. But as with all things, joy and sadness are never far apart. We say goodbye and good luck to Jaco, who leaves us for bigger and better things in Australia. And we give our thanks and good luck to Neil and Pumps, whose bodies are telling them OGIH and are hanging up their whites for the final time. We look forward to their support/guidance/scathing reviews in the seasons to come.

It was a solid performance on the day, but even more so throughout the season with a strong squad of players who still came down to support. Thanks to Zara, Barm, Richard, Harry, Euan, Pramod, Sam for supporting.

And let the evening’s events be a warning to all of us about the very real danger of peer pressure: it will lead to drinking Jagerbombs with Jaco at 2.30am in the Nag’s Head, and a memory with many gaps in!